Tuesday, 15 December 2009

2. “To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception"

"I think he's cheating on me", she half whispered it whilst absently stirring sugar into her coffee so that I was uncertain of whether she had actually said it or if i was projecting my instability again.

My heart stopped beating and I struggled to remain calm. Quickly gulping down mouth fulls of scalding Hot Chocolate, nodding my head and attempting to hide my reaction. It burnt the roof of my mouth choking me as much as the guilt I held over my own behaviour.
The process causing me to screech out "Whaaaaaaaaaat???" sounding far more panicked than I had intended.

In all honesty I had imagined confessing so many times. Pictured it all in my head down to the most minute of details. I could tell you exactly what I would be wearing and how I'd style my hair. Knew that I planned to be standing and not sitting when said confession was announced so that I could run if things turned violent. See I knew I purchased good trainers for a reason and I planned to wear them with joggers and a tank top under the guise of being on my way to the gym, and I'd even joined the gym and am happy to say that I'm at the peak of my physical fitness.

In reality I had grown far too comfortable in my current position. It should'nt be easy to juggle a best friend, a boyfriend and a 'boyfriend-ish' (the guy I was cheating with) so easily, or else everyone would do it. That should have been sign number one that the end is nigh!

Kendall was looking at me, waiting for one of my usual long winded hypothesis so that we could hash out every possible ending, it's alternative and possible excuses.

I stalled.

Dabbed at my mouth with a napkin, stalled for time whilst i tried to gage what her next words might be. Considered how best to proceed with this as I smoothed my nearly drenched sweaty palms down my thighs, clenched my fingers into the excess fabric of my trouser legs and tried to discreetly shift in my seat. Dubiously I glanced downwards, eyed the shoes I had put on my feet. HEELS!!! They were useless in a fight or flight situation, I was no where near ghetto enough to wield them as a weapon against my best friend. Mistake number one of the day. Mistake number two? meeting Kendall for coffee.

"I know we promised we would never be the neurotic girlfriends." she sighs. My cue to say something supportive like "If you're thinking this then something must be up!"
Instead I nod my head faster.....I can't help, it before you know I'll be saying 'ooooooooooh yes' and churchhill will be out of a job.

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CHEAT: Verb - Informal. to be sexually unfaithful Headline Animator