There is a poem about love. There are a lot of poems about love. People have been talking and writing and recording love since the beginning of time. Cupid holds no patent or copy right on it. It was central to society then and it is still essential now. As unavoidable as the fall and rise of the daily sun. Whether people call it a fable or a lie or a fools dream, people succumb to it all the time.
So this particular poem lists the attribues of love.
“Love is kind.......
Love is patient......
I’m sure that you have heard all the other things that love is.
The reality? There is no encompassing comprehensive list of love to follow. It is neither simple or straight forward. No rules. So when rules are broken, it’s logical that love is even harder to determine.
Cheating is cruel not kind. And love that develops from it? Cruler still. Is cheating patient? More so than love. Maybe. It takes patience to endure. But with the knowledge that life is far from short and an awareness that we don’t have all the time in the world and nothing lasts forever. I live in the moment. I may be hooked on the drug that some call love. Guilty of taking and enjoying what is not mine. If i have learnt anything from my situation its that rules dont apply to everything. John Lennon said ‘ life is what happens when you’re making other plans’. I think hes right. Whilst i was busy planning, plotting, considering all possible situations Life was happening. Lust was sneaking up on me and love was getting ready to knock me out.
If it has four letters, and begins with the letter ‘L’, chances are that its far from simple. If you’re really unlucky it can complicate everything. Send all that you know and are comfortable with off kilter.
LIFE, LUST, LOVE – All powerful. Over powering.
The first time that we had sex I didn’t love him. I lusted him. And the second time? Maybe I did a little.
It’s not about sex. I mean it.
What began as a curious, primative urge to scratch has become so much more. At least for me. If i was 100% certain of how he felt I would do anything, Face anyone. Step out of the shadows.
Its not easy to stop. Easier said than done. I hate who I have become. Shes not who I want to see when I look in the mirror. I want to get over him. To stop it. For the hurting to stop. I may not be ready to move on, but i want the chance to try. The option for everything to be ok. Normal. I want to be whole again.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Posted by Kristina at 03:36