4."L.O.V.E."

LOVE.

Four letters, one word. Simple.
Four letters, that in reality are far from simple.

My life before love was simple, and I could be described using simple sentances.

I was Stacy.
Kendall's Best friend.
Craig's Girlfriend
Taye's Girlfriend's Best friend.
Taye's friend.

Stacy,
SIMPLE.

Now?

Obviously there's no simple lines. I'm stuck with the choice of confessing and breaking my Best friend or piling on more lies to hide an ugly truth.  It's hard and it's not simple. I can't bring myself to use these simple descriptions anymore. I'm not the best. Not the Best friend anyway. Girlfriend? I'd become more girl than friend, gotten lost somewhere along the way. Lost and caught up in Taye.

It's complicated. But who wants to listen to excuses? Feeble explanations for awful inexcusable actions, they weren't welcome here!
The creator of the love triangle has got it all wrong. Love knows no shapes or boundaries. Nothing is simple or easy. There's not always three parts to a story, sometimes theres four. And when there is more, is there anyone willing enough to wait and listen? Take all into consideration and withhold prejudice? And when love takes on a shape more complex than a triangle, then what? Well, thing's get messy.

It's spilled into all aspects of my life. A dirty little secret, which in the harsh light of day seems far dirtier! A secret on the verge of discovery. I had done something wrong. I feel sick, and I won't feel better until I make things right.

I am Stacy.

As to everything else? Well, your guess is as good as mine!

3."A lie is only a lie if people know!"

I'm speechless!
No words available, which is a first. And I have two available options, neither of which is particularly characteristic of me.

Firstly, I could change the topic. Tell her that just the other day I had purchased the greatest dress - perfect for New years Eve! Not tell her that, the dress was in fact chosen and paid for by Taye, her boyfriend. Nor how he had made me model it for him, struck a catwalk in the changing room and not cared who was watching as an appreciative grin spread across his face. Everyone knew we weren't going to do any more shopping that day.

Alternatively, I can act as expected. Throw on an annoyed expression and be upset and concerned on her behalf. It wouldn't be a lie. I am disappointed, in myself. Disappointed in the fact that he isn't quite the dream man because no dream would do this Disappointed too that I could no longer possibly call myself her best friend. And on top of that I was upset. Truly. Ordinarily I loved our 'Coffee Tuesdays'. I had to wait a whole week just to get back there again. One afternoon that Kendall and I had dedicated to catching up and keeping in touch. We refused to be those childhood friends that always, with the best intention planned to keep up but it never quite happened.

*

I'm breathing slowly and evenly, attempting to placate myself with some form of false hope that everything will be okay, normal. NORMAL??? Like I even had a concept of what constituted as normal anymore!

Kendall sighs and I'm brought straight back to the present. Made aware of the fact that her smile doesn't impact any of her features except her lips.

If it were anyone else sighing so much in one conversation I would already be onto eye roll number 5 and inside I'd be thinking "drama queen" and "shut the hell up!"

But it's Kendall my non violent friend who offered to beat up my ex boyfriend when he dumped me because he "had found someone better, a real babe!"

So I concentrate.