Monday, 22 November 2010

21: "Love is a game in which one always cheats"

They say a girlfriend always knows. You know, that she's being cheated on. Who's they?? Probably the bastards doing the cheating! Surely they must be bastards or sons of bitches to behave in such a manner or treat women in such a way. 

I know I'm being cheated on, so yes THEY are right!
How do I know?? How couldn't I?!! Things are so much more different. He doesn't spontaneously cuddle up to me anymore- nd I know its a feminine action that used to bug me but I miss it. He doesn't over text me with questions, wanting to know what I'm doing, or when he's going to see me. I don't get the offers for him to come pick me up, instead I get a 'be careful on the bus, yea babe!' - ON THE BUS??? This was the guy that used to insist on driving me everywhere, as if public transport wasn't safe enough for me! 

When did the cheating start? Are female meant to be able to sense this too? Should I be able to give a detailed explanation of when this occurred? Be able to explain or blame all of 'this' on me because surely I wasn't there when he needed me so all of this must be my fault!!! I always thought he was better suited for my best friend, they are sooo alike its not normal! Likes halves of the same person!! Opposites might attract, but if we all wanted the opposites of ourselves then we would settle for that! I wanted someone to complete me, to provide what was missing in my life. I think that was problem number one, if I couldn't bring myself happiness I had no business looking for someone else to bring happiness to me!!! 

Who is he cheating on me with?? I think I'd turn into one of those neurotic crazies if I honestly gave this too much thought!!! He has as much female friends as he does males. I'm not searching for a needle in a haystack! It could be anyone.....well anyone but my best friend!

So I know he's been cheating on me!! Why do I stay with him? I'm going to try to answer this, and if I can't, then I guess staying with him is the wrong decision. No neurotics, but I can't help but question myself, what's wrong with me?!

Friday, 19 November 2010

20: “Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.”

If it’s not human nature then what is it? Some things can be excused away. The odd date with a friends ex, BEFORE you found out that he was her ex and in fact broke her heart. Would, should and could have stopped the date from occurring if you had known.

Rules are meant to stop things like this from happening. The girlfriend code is supposed to protect all members; did this mean that I wasn’t in fact a card carrying member? Was I ever? Surely I’m sure do have broken every guideline, pledge, and promise that an upstanding female gives before being provided with the assurance that her life was safe from ex’s reoccurring because her friend was now dating them, or the worry that Mr. Right would be swiped from under her nose because another female (supposedly her friend) had decided he was more right for her then he ever could be for you!

Protection, its sounds wonderful. Perhaps a little ideal, which could possibly explain why throughout history this code has never worked. It should have been revamped. Surely Henry VIII and his numerous wives should have shown that females have no camaraderie. I mean how many females did he have to destroy and yet we still went like lambs to slaughter.

So if I was following the code as I was supposed to this would be the version of events:

1. I would sleep with Trey, be suitably horrified to have enthusiastically leapt over any and all friendship barriers that had been there so long they had roots.

2. I would rush and confess all to Kendall, knowing that some grovelling would be required as she had confessed to always liking trey.

3. I would see how visibly upset Kendall is by my actions would shut my legs and attempt to be a better friend.

4. No affair would progress as I would remember the shame that I felt whilst confessing my actions.

It’s funny, because I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but it happened anyway. I used to think negatively of anyone that could carry on an affair or cheat or act in anyway similar to this. Now I know it’s possible to love more than once. That true love may not be limited to 1 per person like the persons free Santa gives out in the shopping centre every Christmas. I’ve experienced the yearning for one person whilst lusting after another. You’re probably disgusted and I honestly should be too, but I can’t feel disgust for love. It’s a gift that we all wish for when we don’t have it. A completion that we take for granted when we do have it. A miracle that is abused and mistreated, mistaken for something lesser or simply not recognised at all. It’s nice to think that we all have a one true love, but I no longer think this is true. I can love what is mine and even that which is not mine. I can want one when I am with another. I can keep them both for now, can’t I?


CHEAT: Verb - Informal. to be sexually unfaithful Headline Animator